An Important Part of My Life - My Brother Lee's Death

On Monday 29th July 2013 I went to the Mencap Summer Scheme with my brother Lee. He had been feeling fine all day until that night when he started to complain about feeling out of breath. He went on the nebuliser to try to normalise his breathing but a few minutes later Lee collapsed. He had suffered an aggressive asthma attack. My dad tried to carry out CPR on Lee while my mum called an ambulance. Once it arrived the paramedics took over from my Dad and Lee was sent to Antrim Area Hospital.

The next day Lee was sent to Glenfield hospital in Leicester, England as it is a specialist hospital and Lee’s condition had deteriorated gravely. Lee was taken in a private helicopter and was sent to England by Air Ambulance. Mum and Dad went with Lee but I had to stay home with my aunt to take care of Nicole and Shannon, my two younger sisters.

On Friday 2nd August my Dad paid for flights for Nicole, Shannon, my aunt and I to go England to see my mum, dad and Lee. I was as scared as I thought that Lee must have been extremely ill, if they had sent for us. I am also autistic and found it extremely hard to accept change—new routines etc., but tried even harder than normal to be normal and get on with things.

We got to the hospital and saw my mum and dad. It was that precise moment in that I knew that my life was about to change and it would never be the same as before. The pain and sadness in my mum and dad’s face told me that I was about to hear the saddest news of my life. My mum and dad were too upset to tell us that Lee wasn’t going to make it so they had asked a nurse to inform us.

The nurse was a very kind lady who spoke softly to us explaining all that was happening, clearly and sympathetically. I was completely shocked as it had never entered my head that Lee wouldn’t be coming home with us. I thought he was ill but never to this extent. I thought about how he would never sleep in the same room as me again, play the Xbox with me or give me a few pointers on how to play pool, his absolutely favourite sport. I could literally feel my heart breaking. People talk about how their hearts break in two, my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces, like a mirror smashed in anger with every single shard stabbing me, constantly.

Mum and Dad took us to the Intensive Care Ward to see Lee. I was astonished to see all the wires, tubes, and machines that were surrounding him. I was scared that they were causing Lee pain but Mum and Dad explained that they were actually helping Lee to breathe. I was relieved to see that Lee looked like he was just sleeping and didn’t seem to be in any pain. I don’t think I could have coped with the thought that he was in any discomfort. He looked angelic.

We couldn’t stay in the ward too long so we stayed in a visitors/relatives room throughout the night. I couldn’t sleep, all I could think about was Lee, about our life together as brothers and friends, and about what was going to happen the next day. I tried to think about the happy days we had together as a family in Spain.

The next morning, the saddest day of my life, arrived far too soon. I had gone to buy a hot chocolate. When I came back a nurse asked me to go into Lee’s room. My mum and dad, Nicole, and Shannon and my aunt were crying uncontrollably. Lee had passed away. It appeared that Lee had died from the asthma attack he took at the beginning of the week. The machines had been helping him breathe but they could not do that forever and Lee was not going to get better so Mum and Dad had decided to let Lee pass away peacefully. He was never going to breathe again on his own.

My entire family was devastated and could not stop crying. My sad, salty tears fell like drops of rain but a rain shower ends with sunshine. There would be no sunshine to follow this, no rainbow of colour to brighten the dark, dreary, lonely days to follow…

The following days flew by in a flash. I couldn’t believe the constant flow of people came to attend Lee’s wake. They were in complete disbelief that such a tragedy had happened to our family. I felt like I needed to be on my own most of the time but Mum and Dad told me later that these people had so many lovely things to say about Lee and were confident in their decision to ask all those attending Lee’s funeral to wear bright clothes. He was such a happy person, they wanted him to be remembered that way.

On the day of Lee’s funeral it rained during the walk to the burial ground. However once we reached the graveside, the clouds parted and strong bright sunshine appeared. It was warm and comforting on my face like someone softly stroking my forehead. It felt like Lee was consoling and reassuring me that he was okay and that things would get better in time. And as I looked around at all the brightly coloured clothes people had worn, they reminded me of a rainbow. A beautiful bright rainbow. It made me think that maybe, just maybe life would get better in time…

I never thought Lee would die from an Asthma attack and die so very young. It helps me to know that Lee’s death was not in vain. My family decided to donate Lee’s organs which in turn saved five children’s lives. That’s five families who do not have to go through what my family did.

Lee’s death has changed my life completely as I feel I am now the man of the house. My fear of public speaking has lessened, probably because I wanted to ensure I did the best I could for Lee at his funeral. I was determined to speak about my best friend and brother to make him proud as I was of him.

I miss him so much. I know he is no longer with me in person, but he will always be with me in my heart and it is this that enables me to get up each morning, and live each day as if it is my last and appreciate all that I have particularly my friends, family, and siblings.