Adventures of a Stay At Home Dad

Being a stay at home dad is both one of the easiest and one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm no homemaker, by any stretch. I constantly look for the easiest way to get something done, with the least effort from me. Some could call me lazy, and I'd only disagree to a point. But there are no shortcuts with a child. There are a thousand books, and none of them teach you a thing. Sometimes things come natural, sometimes you know you've messed up every moment of it.

A child, whether on purpose or otherwise, will absolutely change your life. It will change your perspective. I won't say it's life's greatest treasure, or that it's something everyone should experience, or any other trite nonsense you hear from every sweater knitting grandma or turned nose mother. It's rough. To an extent, it ruins your life, or at least what your life was, no matter who you are. No clubs, you have to wake up whenever your child wakes up. No parties, the child is asleep. No sex, your child won't sleep in their bed yet.

The choice to be at home full time made sense for us, at least. I was on the verge of losing my job so I changed positions to a much lower pay. A few months in we came to the realization I was barely making more than we were paying for childcare, and that was paying bottom dollar to a close friend. We were still in our first year of it and were surrounded by horror stories of babysitting gone wrong, and our friend was about to go through life changes of her own so we would have needed to find a real daycare. I don't think you can experience such a lack of trust to the world as when you have a child, from human instinct alone.

Finally, we're approaching the end of year two, and over a full year of time spent day in and day out with her. It's as exciting as it is terrifying. There's a constant looming question I think everyone with at least a little self-awareness asks: What am I screwing up? What baggage am I already imposing on my child? What of my own issues am I unconsciously imparting onto her? It's a nagging itch, for sure.

The answer is complicated, but if you ever want any reassurance I'm pretty certain it's damn hard to screw up without actually trying. Mommy blogs stretch on for miles with advice, necessities, no-no's, and the like. Don't let them watch too much TV. Don't feed them this or that. Make sure they have this exact toy, this exact sort of clothing. But not too much, don't spoil them. It's overwhelming if you let yourself get wrapped in the thick of it.

If I had to give one piece of advice it would be this: Just think of them with your actions. That comes from not only my experience doing it but from thinking back on my own life. You can't be selfish anymore. It's okay to be in most aspects, I think, but not here. They can't live without you. But it's your opportunity to shape an amazing little creature, and it's going to be exactly that. Amazing.